How do I teach someone with disability about consent?

Key points:

• Valentine’s Day is this Wednesday, February 14, 2024
• Some people with learning disabilities may struggle with relationships, but programs are available to help develop essential dating skills
• Activities such as baking or spending time with friends are great if you aren’t celebrating Valentine’s Day this year

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching on February 14, 2024, many people are thinking about their loved ones and how they can show their love on this special day.

Dating can be tricky for anyone and unspoken social rules can sometimes be confusing. It’s important to go about meeting people and dating the right way.

Women with disability were ‘twice as likely to experience [physical and/or sexual] violence by a cohabiting partner as women without disability,’ according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics in 2021. This highlights the importance of educating people about respect and boundaries in romantic relationships. 

When you meet someone out in public or throughout your life, you never know whether they’re looking for a relationship, whether they’re looking for a relationship with you or whether you would enjoy the company of that person at all. This is why it’s important to know what you want from a relationship and who you are as a person. 

For some people with learning disabilities, knowing what is appropriate to say and maintaining boundaries can be tricky. Thankfully, some organisations help to support young people over the age of consent to develop the skills to find and develop healthy romantic relationships. Depending on the program selected, participants can engage in six – 12 sessions, with each session being around two hours each time. 

The age of consent varies between Australian states and Territories, with the minimum age of consent being 16 – 17 years old, so check to ensure your young adult is eligible before enrolling.

Some of the interactive topics in dating education programs may include:

• improving self-awareness;
• learning the ‘rules’ of dating;
• discussing consent and the importance of boundaries;
• exploring how to date safely online;
• learning about intimacy and sexual well-being.

While these programs include talks from different health professionals, engagement and interaction with others are important for participants to develop such essential skills in dating. 

Expressing yourself also means knowing how, why and when you don’t feel up to doing something, whether it’s telling someone you love them in the early stages or sharing intimate secrets  — knowing how to say “no” takes just as much effort and tells the other person a bit about how they can make you happy, so it’s just as important.

Two organisations that offer such programs can be found here:

• The Date-Ability Project through Living on the Spectrum
• The Date-Ability Program through First Step Solutions 

Dating apps are also becoming increasingly popular as people can swipe through almost seemingly endless options to find their ideal partner. Advantages of popular dating apps include the high numbers of people, which increases your likelihood of finding the ‘one’ and also means that you can get to know a person a bit and build up a bond comfortably before meeting them and feel secure in yourself.

However, there are disadvantages to using traditional dating apps as there’s an increased likelihood of scams and you may find people who don’t use the platform to find love. This is often called ‘catfishing’ and is used to take advantage of a naive person or a very trusting person.

If you have disability and don’t want to engage in any of the common online dating options, there is also a dating app designed specifically for NDIS participants and is funded by the NDIS. 

It’s also important to remember that if you don’t have a partner to celebrate with on Valentine’s Day, that’s okay too! There are plenty of fun things you can do with friends or family:

• Go see a movie
• Do something nice for someone
• Send your friend a thoughtful message
• Spend time with pets
• Bake a cake

What do you like to do on Valentine’s Day? 

Let the team at Talking Disability know on social media.

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Related content:

Dating apps encouraged to become more inclusive of people with disability

A guide to dating for people living with disability

Date ideas for a partner living with disability